To my favorite person in the world,
I know things are over and I know that means that we won’t get to create any new memories together. I know I lacked a lot of things, and I’m sorry for hurting you.
Every day I talk to you; sometimes in whispers, sometimes in sobs, but every day I do.
I know a lot of things now, one of which is that I should have given you space and me not giving you this created the biggest space possible. I know how incredibly much I miss you and also that that alone is not a great enough incentive to get us to talk again anymore. I know what we had was special and irreplaceable and nothing makes up for the fact that we don’t get to sit in silence together anymore. I know I’m sad, I can feel it every day when I open my eyes and every day when I lay my head down again on the pillow. It’s becoming a part of me, a you shaped hole in my heart. I know what would feel good and what is the right thing to do, and it raffles me that this time they are two completely different things.
I know I had you. I know I lost you. I know it’s already been a while.
The one thing I don’t know is whether this will end up being just a break or a good luck in another lifetime kind of thing. And it scares me how I don’t even know which one would be the better option.
I don’t know why I’m writing this, but I guess when the day comes that I figure out why it is that I still talk to you in my head every day, the rest will figure itself out.
With all my love, always
by: Annedi Bergsma
#poetry #photography #phosphenous